This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
