When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
