So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
