i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
