I met the friendliest cop last night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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