the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize