just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
