I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
