whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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