Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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