Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
