you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
