My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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