I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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