I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
