We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I looked at my own cervix.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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