like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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