I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
