I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
