I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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