Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
