fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
