You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
