i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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