I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
