I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my shit smells like andre
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think people are normalizing furries
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
