There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
