the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
