Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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