what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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