did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My vagina is very pro this idea
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
