The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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