Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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