i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The feeling are messing with the penis
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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