Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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