Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
