toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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