Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
