I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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