So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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