think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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