If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize