I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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