I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
