I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
