If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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