I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
