YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
