it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This house was built for laser tag.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
