went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Quick, to the slutcave!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
