you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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