You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
