True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
