that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
