I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
