your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
