I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
