That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize