my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize