ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
