Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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