Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
