I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
