my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
