i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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