the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
